


Love, Nana

by sprinklednana



Series: you, always. (nomin oneshots) [6]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - To All the Boys I've Loved Before Fusion, Bad Boy Jeno, Cute Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Swearing, admit it we've all had atleast one jisung crush don't lie, bffs!markmin, hinted markhyuck - Freeform, markmin here is a little sad, yuta and jaehyun are bffs, yuta is nana's brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 21:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16437011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sprinklednana/pseuds/sprinklednana
Summary: Four letters for the four boys Jaemin has loved before.His older brother's best friend, the perfect Jaehyun Jung; Mark Lee, who he had too much unopened baggage with; the cute dance team ace, Jisung Park; and finally, the troublemaker Jeno Lee, with all his easy gazes and his devil may care attitude.





	Love, Nana

**Author's Note:**

> I did this at such and ungodly hour (when I was a little drunk on loud music and swimming and cards and alcohol), and I'm only posting this now because we didn't have wifi earlier :-(
> 
> I was thinking twice about posting this. Because it hit a little too close to home. Especially Mark's bit lmao I hurt myself today. I just based all this on my own experiences. Except the getting married part fghhetth I wish that part of my life had a happy ending hngg. 
> 
> Also, this is dedicated to all the boys _I_ have loved before. If any of you, or any of my irls for that matter, happen to read this, I know you know which is which. Thank you for everything.

 

02/14/2014

Dear Jaehyun,

 

I guess it was never going to be you and me. You were Yuta’s best friend, and we both knew how much of an overprotective brother he could be. It was never going to be you and me.

 

Even if you were _perfect beautiful smart polite athletic kind_ Jaehyun Jung. Even if you were always so nice to me, even before I became popular. Even when I was just your best friend's weird little brother. Even when I was all bones and knees and scratches and bruises and high pitched laughter. It was never going to be you and me.

 

I guess it was fine with me, the way we are. Or were. It’s more than fine, actually. That you treated me like family for most of the time. That you and Yuta protected me from the bullies when I was too small and too scared to protect myself. That you let me be in your little circle before my own little group found me. It’s fine that it was never going to be you and me.

 

You were my first kiss, Jaehyun Jung. And it didn’t matter that you were 14 and I was 12. It didn’t matter that it was messy and quick and hidden behind that big tree in the village playground. My heart raced for hours at the thought that we could’ve gotten caught. I know yours did too. Because you were always sweet and innocent in that way. It didn’t matter that even as young kids, we _knew_ it was never going to be you and me.

 

I will always be grateful to you. I’m not sure if you’re my first love, but I’d still be glad if you were. You gave me happy memories, Jaehyun Jung. I see how you look at that pretty senior in the dance team. I hope he sees you the way that I did. The way I still do. I hope it’s going to be you and him.

 

Love,

your and I quote “little Nana.” always.

 

 

 

 

 

 

6/01/2017

Dear Mark Lee,

 

Where do I even begin? Do I start with you being my best friend or do I start with you being my biggest what if?

 

There was never just one thing about you. It was everything. You easily became one of my best friends in such a short amount of time. You know me better than almost everyone else, even the ones I’ve know for all of my life. You just understand too well. Everything I say, and everything I don’t.

 

And maybe in the end that’s the reason why we never really happened. Because we understood too well, even without words.

 

Maybe it could’ve been you and me. If we met at a different time, maybe we would’ve been perfect. Maybe if I wasn’t too heartbroken the time we met. So hung up on someone that _I_ left. Maybe if I had fully moved on when we met. Maybe if you weren’t too disgusted by commitment that time. Maybe if you didn’t mindlessly spend hundreds of nights in parties. Maybe if you didn’t go home with different people that you would struggle to remember. Maybe we could’ve been perfect.

 

We never said the words. And it’s funny that I can’t even write it here. But I understood, and I know you did too. I can see it in the way you look at me. I’m sure it’s the same way I look at you.

 

We spent too many 3 AMs in convenience stores talking about anything and everything. We spent too much time around each other that I almost forgot what it was like to not have you around.

 

We spent too many nights in each other’s arms. I know what your neck smells like. I know what it feels like to tangle my legs with yours. I know the rhythm of your heartbeat. I know how warm the skin above your ribs are. I know where it tickles. _I know_.

 

I know what your voice sounds like when you’re sleepy and when you’ve just woken up.

 

I know you have that tingling feeling in the back of your mind telling you to kiss me because I feel it too. All the time. I want to ask you why you never did, but I’ve always known the answer. It’s the answer to every single question we refused to ask.

 

We weren’t ready back then, Mark. And you were too important to risk.

 

I’m happy for you. I can feel you creating space between us, and I respect that. We have too many unopened baggage between us. I understand. I’m happy for you. I’m happy that you’ve found Hyuck. I’m happy that you’ve finally found someone you are willing to commit to. I’m happy you found someone you can risk with.

 

Maybe the distance between us right now is necessary. Maybe it was right that we kept our feelings in a box. Maybe it was always going to be like this. But it doesn’t change the fact that you’ll always be my biggest what if, Mark Lee.

 

Love,

Your best friend who misses you more than anything

 

 

 

 

 

8/23/2018

Dear Jisung,

 

You were a good distraction. And I know you wouldn’t get hurt by me calling you that because I was a good distraction for you too. I know the stories about you, Jisung. It’s okay, I don’t mind.

 

I know you kind of liked me and I kind of liked you too. You became one of Mark’s friends because you always see each other in parties. Mark’s funniest stories always seem to involve you.

 

We never talked before, and I guess it doesn’t matter if we ever do. If you’re wondering how I knew, _no_ , it wasn’t Mark who told me. He’s not like that.

 

Your friends were just too obvious, and you kind of were too. You’d smile so big and they’d cause a ruckus whenever we would pass by the dance studio. I even saw your friend literally point at me _multiple_ times.

 

To be honest, I don’t even know why I’m writing you this letter. As a thank you, I guess? Because for a while, you inspired me and made me feel good about myself.

 

I was being kind of obvious too, and I hope you noticed. I hope you know that a person out there sees you and likes what they see. Not just the _dance team ace tall and handsome_ Jisung Park. But the Jisung Park that rubs the back of his neck when he gets a little shy. The Jisung Park who has a habit of randomly touching both of his ears. The Jisung Park who scrunches his nose when he laughs a little too hard in the hallways.

 

It’s always been funny to me how small our world always seems to be. How close we are to each other. We were just too different. I was known around school, but I was fairly normal. You and your friends were just too cool, I guess. You were always too high for me to reach.

 

Parallel lines that no matter how close, will never really meet.

 

Mark is stupid but I’ve always believed that he has a good judge of character. He has nothing but good to say about you. I wish you a happy life, Jisung Park.

 

Love,

A big fan of yours

 

 

 

 

 

 

10/28/2023

Dear Jeno Lee,

 

I fucking hated you the moment that we met. You were just so… _you_ back then. Troublemaker Jeno Lee, who could probably either intimidate or flirt his way out of anything. All intense gazes and teasing smirks and easy touches. I didn’t even know why Mark became friends with you in the first place.

 

And don’t even lie, I knew how much you hated me back then too. I knew how disgusted you were with the thought of even sharing the same space as me. I used to hear you mumbling about me being a bloody Christian saint all the fucking time.

 

I would get automatically irritated the moment someone says your name. Your presence itself irked me. My blood would boil at the mere _thought_ of you. It’s funny, now that I think about it. Why did we even hate each other so much?

 

I sometimes forget how I went from wanting to choke the life out of you, to wanting to love you for the rest of my life. I guess we have Mr. Qian to thank for that.

 

I remember that bloody project where we were assigned as partners. I remember the look of horror that crossed your usually calm face when Mr. Qian announced exactly that. And I would have laughed back then, Jeno Lee, if I wasn’t as horrified as you were.

 

I didn’t know when our intentional jabs turned into good natured teasing. I didn’t know when your touches went from provoking to comforting, flirty even. I didn’t know when I started to look at you and think that you were handsome. I didn’t know when we started prolonging our project sessions just so we could spend more time together. When did our sessions even turn from 50% fights to 50% learning about each other?

 

That term was a series of arcades and convenience stores and parks and cheap restaurants and you and me. I’m not sure about the timeline, Jeno Lee. I just know that somewhere along the way, I fell in love.

 

I loved how accepting you were. No matter how high and big you got, you never made me feel like I couldn’t reach you. You were like that with other people too, and I admired you for it. I admired your contrasts. How you couldn’t care less about half the things around you, but so passionate and intense about the other half. I loved how strong you were. I loved how gentle and careful you became with me. You took care of me, and you let me take care of you.

 

Yuta absolutely detested you, and it was no surprise. I always brought you home back then for our project. You and your all black closet and your leather jacket and your loud motorcycle and your devil may care façade. (Yuta loves you now, by the way, I’m sure you know that too. He’s sorry for judging you then. And he probably loves you more than he loves me now. It’s okay. I love you more than I love me too.)

 

I spent a year getting to know you, and I’m getting to know you still. I remember how each day passed with me just falling deeper and deeper into your hole. You let me hear you sing and played your guitar for me. You let me meet the most precious beings to you, your three adorable cats. You let me see you in your softest, in your weirdest, in your happiest, and in your most vulnerable.

 

I knew you loved me back, even before you said you did.

 

When you kissed me for the first time, I knew exactly why it was never going to be Jaehyun and I. I confirmed that leaving things with Mark the way they are was the right decision. I knew why it didn’t matter if Jisung and I were worlds apart.

 

Because it was going to be me and you. There was never gonna be anyone else for me.

 

I should be sleeping because we have to be in church by 10 AM tomorrow and there’s just so much to prepare for our special day but I just love you so much, Jeno Lee. It’s 3 AM as I write this. And you’re sleeping on the bed right next to me, and I can’t keep myself from smiling because your snuggling into my side. You’re snoring and drooling just a little bit, but I still think you’re the most beautiful person I have ever seen.

 

You weren’t my first love, Jeno Lee. But I’m certain that you will be my last.

 

Love,

Your forever, starting tomorrow.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it, please do tell me what you think about this!!! I would really really appreciate your comments <3
> 
> You can also talk to me on twt, I'm @sprinklednana <3


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